25th November 2023
Under my religion, when my husband passes away I am expected to throw myself onto the pyre in which he is being cremated. Obviously I have no intention of hesitating in my duty…well…what he doesn’t know….
Although this ritual throws up many moral considerations, it got me thinking about how we have difficulty in discussing death, but we are mostly quite meticulous when it comes to how we treat our dead. For much of history we have buried, cremated, and carried out rituals to mark the entry of the deceased into the next realm. It’s fascinating what we do through belief, comfort and honour.
Burial and cremation are common place around the globe and through the ages, though we are not sure when these practices began. Evidence suggests burial could have first taken place hundreds of thousands of years ago. How elaborate a burial was in the past varied dependant on terrain, space, rank, beliefs. Shallow pits, a covering with stones, burial mounds, chambers built underground or overground like the pyramids, placement in caves, and coffins. These are all examples of burial and had meaning some of which is lost to time. Even how the body is entombed took thought. Muslims were (and are) placed facing Mecca; In Babylon, the more exalted were laid to rest in a sleeping position, the lower ranked were crouched. In a part of the Philippines, a person chose a tree before their death which was specially hollowed out for them to be placed vertically in upon death. Other forms of managing the dead include Mummification, Sky burials employed by the Buddhists of Tibet (where scavengers such as vultures are allowed to consume bodies left to the elements), and in some countries bodies are set afloat on water.
Across our cultures exist other rituals or beliefs around how we support the dead into the next stage – whatever that next stage may mean for each of us. Some of the more unusual include – the Romans leaving grave goods such as food and wine, coins for Charon to ferry the deceased across to the underworld. Sometimes slaves were slaughtered alongside their master at the funeral. In Japan, family members use chopsticks to pick up the bones of their loved one after cremation and place them in an urn for safekeeping. From The Britannica, this is what I learnt of the Philippines: The Tinguian people dress the deceased in the fanciest of clothes and sit the body on a chair, including placing a lit cigarette in the lips. The Benguet people blindfold their dead before placing them in chairs at the entrance of the home so they are protected from the pain of this world and the Cebuano people dress children attending funerals in red to lessen the chance they will see ghosts. The Sagada region features coffins hung from cliffs, bringing the souls of the dead closer to heaven. In a part of Madagascar, the Malagasy people will re-wrap their deceased into new burial outfits every few years and then dance near their tombs to music. In South Korea, the remains of cremated loved ones are pressed into beads so they can be kept close. The Wari people of Brazil and the Fore tribe in Papua New Guinea consume their dead believing it allows the departed to forget painful thoughts and move into the spirit world. Belief in the there-after permeates our rituals and although what I have listed makes it obviously so, curiously even those of a non religious bent can feel some need to ensure due process is followed and not just for practical reasons.
We have wakes, mourning periods, throwing earth onto coffins, wearing black or white. And so many more observances. The point is, we may feel deep discomfort discussing the end of our time. But when it comes, each culture has developed its own way of supporting those going forward and those left behind.
Even the animal kingdom observe rituals that somehow involve protecting their dead like we do. According to the BBC website, Elephants, Dolphins, Chimpanzees have all been observed taking care, watching over their deceased. Perhaps death is as complicated and heart wrenching for the rest of the animal kingdom as it is for us.
In trying to understand why we carry out such rituals I’ve read abut the value, the meaning we put upon ourselves towards not only the dead but their family and our community. Type in dead and next life into Google and you are offered 3bn pages to review. After a natural or man made disaster or a disappearance, it is found people need closure, a need to say goodbye, hence every effort is made to find a body or the remains of the loved one even when it seems impossible. Identification is mostly achieved through our teeth because they are the most durable part of us. DNA is also analysed but takes longer and is more expensive to employ. I wrote about grief earlier this year when my father passed away and that sense of bewilderment. There is something about a ritual, expectations of those around us, a practice, that offers comfort. That perhaps if it wasn’t ‘a good death’, it can be a good post death and we are allowing ourselves and our loved one to move on. In a world that is confusing and out of our control; where the realm of our knowledge is bounded by death. Transcending religion, ethnicity, where we live – we grasp at order to bring us peace, meaning or to show our care for our loved one, one last time.
But to show I care by stepping into a hot burning pyre…..you can keep your inner calm. I’m off to the pub.
Curiosity and the rascal 